Loneliness is a terrifying ailment though not through the condition of not having someone to be around. Its symptoms are found in the feeling that you need to have someone to be around. They are in the fear that makes you tolerate less than you deserve, more than you can rightfully stand, all for the sake of the warmth beside you. They are in in the knowledge that your own company isn’t interesting enough, doesn’t fulfill you enough, can’t care for you enough. that knowledge which makes you hold on to another all the tighter because you can’t see how anybody could keep company with one you can’t bare to be alone with.
You search for the answer in someone else’s arms but you already know it. If you don’t deserve care then another’s time would be better spent elsewhere. And if you do deserve care then you should be first in line to provide as much of that care as you can. And both of those answers leave you alone sometimes. And that’s ok.